Ryūnosuke Akutagawa (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
monstercoat) wrote2023-05-08 01:13 pm
monstercoat) wrote2023-05-08 01:13 pm
[Previously]
..No, it’s nothing.
[Too early indeed. Akutagawa’s posture stiffened again, shaking his head lightly denying this. He must not think of that. What was it he regained after being here? A moment, something came to mind as he looked down his cup.]
My life.
[He recalled the last flicker of life he had before departing his home world. Alas, much more will happen later on and, it’s pretty grim, as his expression.]
..No, it’s nothing.
[Too early indeed. Akutagawa’s posture stiffened again, shaking his head lightly denying this. He must not think of that. What was it he regained after being here? A moment, something came to mind as he looked down his cup.]
My life.
[He recalled the last flicker of life he had before departing his home world. Alas, much more will happen later on and, it’s pretty grim, as his expression.]
Edited 2024-06-28 01:16 (UTC)
[ Maruki keeps watching him carefully, though he feigns a more casual nature as he reaches forward for one of the snacks himself and adjusts to sit more comfortably on the sofa. ]
We've all led long, varied lives before arriving here. It's normal to be a bit worn down by that.
[ His own package of Phantom Wafers opened, a thumb running over the logo that he stares at for a moment before looking back up and smiling gently. ]
You can talk about it, if it would help. Nothing you say will leave this room.
We've all led long, varied lives before arriving here. It's normal to be a bit worn down by that.
[ His own package of Phantom Wafers opened, a thumb running over the logo that he stares at for a moment before looking back up and smiling gently. ]
You can talk about it, if it would help. Nothing you say will leave this room.
[Perhaps he will try some of those Phantom Wafers. Dream or not, there must be a taste. He’s contemplating, his guard refuse to wane. So, he dips his wafer into his tea and eats it like a cookie with milk. It’s fine.]
No, for words can only go far as express. I am as a ghost waiting to see how this will end.
[A small sigh.]
My apologies, I’ve taken much of your time, doctor.
No, for words can only go far as express. I am as a ghost waiting to see how this will end.
[A small sigh.]
My apologies, I’ve taken much of your time, doctor.
That's poetic too. Albeit a bit sad...
[ But it's not as if Maruki doesn't understand. Some things are too difficult to speak.
His gentle smile doesn't flag. ]
There's no such thing. My time is freely given to anyone who needs it. But if you're ready to leave, I won't stop you. I hope we can meet again in reality, if you do.
[ But it's not as if Maruki doesn't understand. Some things are too difficult to speak.
His gentle smile doesn't flag. ]
There's no such thing. My time is freely given to anyone who needs it. But if you're ready to leave, I won't stop you. I hope we can meet again in reality, if you do.
[He doesn’t say more, setting his tea cup down while munching on the last bit of wafer. As this dream comes to an end, he begins to vanish from his feet and up with a small bow. This doctor earned some respect.
Much as he is curious, someone taught him about sensitive information.]
Much as he is curious, someone taught him about sensitive information.]
...
[ Inigo goes quiet for a moment at the answer. Not even because he still has to catch his breath, but because of the answer itself. It's so simple, and yet.. Inigo knows it can't be true. How could it? There's no way Akutagawa could be fine when his boyfriend left.
Even if Inigo doesn't have a significant other, he can imagine the pain in that. He has lost people before too, after all.
It twists the boy's features, giving the other a sad, sympathetic look. It's not even like he thinks that's what Akutagawa wants - far from it - but he can't help it. Inigo feels so much for other people that it naturally appears on his face. ]
It's okay if you're not fine, you know. [ His voice is a little softer when he says that. ] It doesn't make you any less strong.
[ Inigo goes quiet for a moment at the answer. Not even because he still has to catch his breath, but because of the answer itself. It's so simple, and yet.. Inigo knows it can't be true. How could it? There's no way Akutagawa could be fine when his boyfriend left.
Even if Inigo doesn't have a significant other, he can imagine the pain in that. He has lost people before too, after all.
It twists the boy's features, giving the other a sad, sympathetic look. It's not even like he thinks that's what Akutagawa wants - far from it - but he can't help it. Inigo feels so much for other people that it naturally appears on his face. ]
It's okay if you're not fine, you know. [ His voice is a little softer when he says that. ] It doesn't make you any less strong.
[He doesn’t look back, he can’t. Fear is keeping him from doing so, and he isn’t sure why. Both hands and extends out, anchoring on the counter in front of him as his head hung forward, focusing on the kettle.
The more Inigo questions this, more his mind shrouds in doubts.]
Then. What am I suppose to feel? [He answers back, softly, curious, and scared.]
He is home.
[That’s right.]
Away from this place.
[Away from…]
This should be fine…
[Right?]
The more Inigo questions this, more his mind shrouds in doubts.]
Then. What am I suppose to feel? [He answers back, softly, curious, and scared.]
He is home.
[That’s right.]
Away from this place.
[Away from…]
This should be fine…
[Right?]
[ Somehow it feels painful just to see the other like this. It doesn't feel fair. Vaeros brought them both here, so why would he send one of them back home without the other? Why would he separate two people who are so obviously in love?
It's not right. ]
But you miss him, don't you?
[ It's a gentle suggestion, knowing fully well that not being gentle about it is sure to set off Akutagawa, especially if he's emotional already. ]
I know it's better for anyone to not be here. The best thing of all would be if we could all go home right now. But-- We can't. And being stuck here without the people you care for.. That's painful for anyone. Everyone would feel the way you do right now if they were in your shoes.
[ Inigo frowns. His heart feels heavy, like he's about to cry, but he holds back his tears for the other's sake. ]
.. I know I would.
It's not right. ]
But you miss him, don't you?
[ It's a gentle suggestion, knowing fully well that not being gentle about it is sure to set off Akutagawa, especially if he's emotional already. ]
I know it's better for anyone to not be here. The best thing of all would be if we could all go home right now. But-- We can't. And being stuck here without the people you care for.. That's painful for anyone. Everyone would feel the way you do right now if they were in your shoes.
[ Inigo frowns. His heart feels heavy, like he's about to cry, but he holds back his tears for the other's sake. ]
.. I know I would.
[Every word spat from the boy’s mouth continues to pound this man’s core, yet the mafioso stands motionless and silent. His body still tensed, suppressing himself.]
Yes. [He finally spoke.] That’s it.
[There was one time in his life he remembers where he felt himself anxious, when a certain person decided to vanish one day, without warning. This feeling now is different than before. Never had he felt this wave of emotions.]
What I’m feeling is this current whirlpool dragging me down to the ocean’s floor. I don’t know whether to swim out or…
[He voice trails quiet, and the kettle finally whistles the boiling is done.]
Yes. [He finally spoke.] That’s it.
[There was one time in his life he remembers where he felt himself anxious, when a certain person decided to vanish one day, without warning. This feeling now is different than before. Never had he felt this wave of emotions.]
What I’m feeling is this current whirlpool dragging me down to the ocean’s floor. I don’t know whether to swim out or…
[He voice trails quiet, and the kettle finally whistles the boiling is done.]
[ Inigo slowly gets up from where he flopped down on the couch. He's still a touch dizzy, but he's feeling well enough to walk a few steps in a straight line anyway. Just far enough that he can stand next to the other and put a gentle hand on Akutagawa's arm.
It's a risky move, given how sometimes the other can lash out, but-- what's the alternative? Just sit there and watch while the other is hurting?
Inigo couldn't do that. ]
You have to keep swimming. You know he'd want you to.
[ Inigo may not have known everything about Atsushi, but he knows this. The other would have cared enough about Akutagawa to want that. ]
But you don't have to swim on your own either. Sometimes you need people to help drag you back up to the water's surface, you know..?
It's a risky move, given how sometimes the other can lash out, but-- what's the alternative? Just sit there and watch while the other is hurting?
Inigo couldn't do that. ]
You have to keep swimming. You know he'd want you to.
[ Inigo may not have known everything about Atsushi, but he knows this. The other would have cared enough about Akutagawa to want that. ]
But you don't have to swim on your own either. Sometimes you need people to help drag you back up to the water's surface, you know..?
[His arm twitches from that touch, nothing more. Akutagawa doesn’t acknowledge Inigo’s touch yet, he remained still and numb as his mind tried to process. Thinking back to his world, he recalled one or two events Akutagawa felt he let people down, because of his weakness. Yet, his comrades didn’t hesitate for a moment to lend a hand.
He was a tool. Weak tools should be disposed. Still, it didn’t stop some of his comrades.
This time, it was different. His body didn’t fall in defeat, his heart did. Atsushi returned, and soon Akutagawa will follow. After learning a terrible truth, uncertainty clouds his way.
Ah, the kettle is still whistling. Akutagawa slowly turned the knob on the burner off.
Back to Inigo’s question, he sighs quietly.]
I know.
[He could practically hear the tiger screaming in his mind too. Still avoiding eye contact, he continues—-]
I’m sorry you have to see me like this and.. thank you.
He was a tool. Weak tools should be disposed. Still, it didn’t stop some of his comrades.
This time, it was different. His body didn’t fall in defeat, his heart did. Atsushi returned, and soon Akutagawa will follow. After learning a terrible truth, uncertainty clouds his way.
Ah, the kettle is still whistling. Akutagawa slowly turned the knob on the burner off.
Back to Inigo’s question, he sighs quietly.]
I know.
[He could practically hear the tiger screaming in his mind too. Still avoiding eye contact, he continues—-]
I’m sorry you have to see me like this and.. thank you.
.. hey.
[ Inigo's voice is relatively quiet, and his hand still hasn't left the other's arm, as light as the touch is. ]
I know this might sound a little ridiculous to you. [ Given everything Akutagawa is. Everything the other seems to believe in. Inigo knows so little of the other's personal background, but there are some things he can guess at purely from the other's actions alone. ] But.. do you want to maybe try a hug?
[ Hugs always make him feel better, Akutagawa. :(
And he's got the feeling the other may not have had many before in his life. Except maybe from his boyfriend, but-- well, he's gone now. ]
[ Inigo's voice is relatively quiet, and his hand still hasn't left the other's arm, as light as the touch is. ]
I know this might sound a little ridiculous to you. [ Given everything Akutagawa is. Everything the other seems to believe in. Inigo knows so little of the other's personal background, but there are some things he can guess at purely from the other's actions alone. ] But.. do you want to maybe try a hug?
[ Hugs always make him feel better, Akutagawa. :(
And he's got the feeling the other may not have had many before in his life. Except maybe from his boyfriend, but-- well, he's gone now. ]
[[cont from here]]
[It’s noticeable, the heat from the tiger brushes against Akutagawa’s face. Akutagawa exhaled a soft breath with a small ‘heh’ as he finally retracted himself upright again, a palm covering the lower part of his face.
Honestly, he seemed like he was expecting something, but alas, he found himself hasting himself again. He felt himself tempted like taking a bite of a forbitten fruit in the garden of Eden. Akutagawa cleared his throat, with a minor color of red across his face. For now, he had to restrain himself, least out here.]
We should go. The place isn’t far.
[It’s noticeable, the heat from the tiger brushes against Akutagawa’s face. Akutagawa exhaled a soft breath with a small ‘heh’ as he finally retracted himself upright again, a palm covering the lower part of his face.
Honestly, he seemed like he was expecting something, but alas, he found himself hasting himself again. He felt himself tempted like taking a bite of a forbitten fruit in the garden of Eden. Akutagawa cleared his throat, with a minor color of red across his face. For now, he had to restrain himself, least out here.]
We should go. The place isn’t far.
Absolutely not!
[That bark came in an instant as Akutagawa turned his face to the other, disgusted at the thought. It’s almost as if Akutagawa was ready to bite the poor kid’s hand for that.]
[That bark came in an instant as Akutagawa turned his face to the other, disgusted at the thought. It’s almost as if Akutagawa was ready to bite the poor kid’s hand for that.]
[While the rejection was quick, Akutagawa fell silent again. Now staring at this poor youngling in this quiet space, he slowly recollects Inigo’s determination to be here and see the young man in distress.
Akutagawa’s twisted disgust expression slowly waned, one eyebrow twitched. Taking a deep breath, he huffs, exhaling any resilience weighing him down. He closed his eyes, and open them again.]
Make it quick.
[He averts his eyes away, tensing up his body as if Inigo was about to sucker punch him or something.]
Akutagawa’s twisted disgust expression slowly waned, one eyebrow twitched. Taking a deep breath, he huffs, exhaling any resilience weighing him down. He closed his eyes, and open them again.]
Make it quick.
[He averts his eyes away, tensing up his body as if Inigo was about to sucker punch him or something.]
[Atsushi blinks at Akutagawa, red still flushing his face and giving his whole monochrome look at least some color aside from his eyes.
Akutagawa said words. Yes, words. He should be able to understand them, but his brain is slow on the uptake and needs a moment to register what exactly Akutagawa has said.
Eventually, they sink in, and Atsushi understands the meaning, blinking himself out of his trance and out of the moment that felt just a bit weird, just a bit too personal, but at the same time, way too good.]
Right. Uh. What place exactly?
[he only just arrived here, until a few moments ago he still thought this was some kind of .. dream, or video game, or a video game within a dream, but .. now there are apparently places to go?]
Akutagawa said words. Yes, words. He should be able to understand them, but his brain is slow on the uptake and needs a moment to register what exactly Akutagawa has said.
Eventually, they sink in, and Atsushi understands the meaning, blinking himself out of his trance and out of the moment that felt just a bit weird, just a bit too personal, but at the same time, way too good.]
Right. Uh. What place exactly?
[he only just arrived here, until a few moments ago he still thought this was some kind of .. dream, or video game, or a video game within a dream, but .. now there are apparently places to go?]
Home.
[There was much more to discuss about this world and ‘them’. Eventually, he withdrew his hand from his face, still some evidence of color there but he tried to ignore it. Though his dark eyes couldn’t let go of the boy’s face. Wishing, wanting…
Both hands returned to his pockets again as he began to lead the other, retaining any composure he had left. Still, even if it was selfish, Akutagawa was content, his tone was clear. As his back turned to the other, he added.]
Someone else missed you dearly as well.
[A cottage from a distance, worn down but livable. It seemed in better shape than some of the other ones.]
[There was much more to discuss about this world and ‘them’. Eventually, he withdrew his hand from his face, still some evidence of color there but he tried to ignore it. Though his dark eyes couldn’t let go of the boy’s face. Wishing, wanting…
Both hands returned to his pockets again as he began to lead the other, retaining any composure he had left. Still, even if it was selfish, Akutagawa was content, his tone was clear. As his back turned to the other, he added.]
Someone else missed you dearly as well.
[A cottage from a distance, worn down but livable. It seemed in better shape than some of the other ones.]
[Home? Akutagawa's home? Right .. there must be a place to stay for him here. Wherever "here" is. Sure, Akutagawa explained a bit about this world, but .. it's still not very descriptive to Atsushi.
So he just follows, this time not curiously looking around, but instead keeping his gaze focused on the black clad back in front of him. His cheek still tingling from where Akutagawa had touched it. And somehow yearning for more ...
Atsushi's eyebrows rise up.]
Someone else?
[Who else would miss him? First of all, he couldn't imagine anyone truly missing him, but .. someone else here?
And if anything, they probably missed that other version of his, whoever that was. Not him.
So he just follows, this time not curiously looking around, but instead keeping his gaze focused on the black clad back in front of him. His cheek still tingling from where Akutagawa had touched it. And somehow yearning for more ...
Atsushi's eyebrows rise up.]
Someone else?
[Who else would miss him? First of all, he couldn't imagine anyone truly missing him, but .. someone else here?
And if anything, they probably missed that other version of his, whoever that was. Not him.
Mhm.
[A humming answer, not pressing further. It was best in person than explaining, he believed. The home was moments away, a small cottage fit for a small family. It wasn’t the best shape, but again, livable. Casually, Akutagawa opens the door allowing the young tiger to go in first.]
This is it.
[It was fairly clean, an open living room with kitchen. A tiny diner close to one of the windows. Two bedrooms, a bathroom somewhere and…
A small white tiger cub nesting himself on the couch, curled up for an afternoon nap it seems. If listened closely, he had a kitten snore. One ear perks up hearing the sound of footsteps coming in, then lifts his face to inspect the source of the noise. Both ears are up, tail swishing playfully because, this cup not only recognizes one but two.
Pupils dilated, the cub leaps off the furniture, rushing to Atsushi as if he was the prey, leaping to the boy ready to clap on one of his arms playfully, and maybe rough. Whoops.
Akutagawa hangs back, watching the scene unfold.]
[A humming answer, not pressing further. It was best in person than explaining, he believed. The home was moments away, a small cottage fit for a small family. It wasn’t the best shape, but again, livable. Casually, Akutagawa opens the door allowing the young tiger to go in first.]
This is it.
[It was fairly clean, an open living room with kitchen. A tiny diner close to one of the windows. Two bedrooms, a bathroom somewhere and…
A small white tiger cub nesting himself on the couch, curled up for an afternoon nap it seems. If listened closely, he had a kitten snore. One ear perks up hearing the sound of footsteps coming in, then lifts his face to inspect the source of the noise. Both ears are up, tail swishing playfully because, this cup not only recognizes one but two.
Pupils dilated, the cub leaps off the furniture, rushing to Atsushi as if he was the prey, leaping to the boy ready to clap on one of his arms playfully, and maybe rough. Whoops.
Akutagawa hangs back, watching the scene unfold.]
[For Atsushi, anything that is more than just a cell, or a literal one room apartment is luxury. Even his own place back in his own world is nothing but a single room, so this? This makes his jaw drop for a moment as he looks around.
Sure, Akutagawa might be used to more luxury, given his status in the mafia and his earnings, but ... for Atsushi, this looks almost like a palace.
And then there is the cub, and before Atsushi knows it. he is being attacked, in a very loving way, but still, there are teeth sinking into his arm, followed by claws, and Atsushi yelps a little, but then just wraps an arm around the animal to lift him up, and he looks at Akutagawa in confusion, the small dents on his arm already healing again.]
Uhm .. what?
Sure, Akutagawa might be used to more luxury, given his status in the mafia and his earnings, but ... for Atsushi, this looks almost like a palace.
And then there is the cub, and before Atsushi knows it. he is being attacked, in a very loving way, but still, there are teeth sinking into his arm, followed by claws, and Atsushi yelps a little, but then just wraps an arm around the animal to lift him up, and he looks at Akutagawa in confusion, the small dents on his arm already healing again.]
Uhm .. what?
[While it isn’t luxury mafia standard, Akutagawa didn’t seem to mind. A roof was over his head and it had the necessities, like electricity and water.
Oh. Akutagawa watched as the two cats interact, quietly admiring it.]
What do you expect after seeing one’s mother absent for sometime?
[He reached a hand out, petting the cub under the his chin, delivering all the scritches and affection. Akutagawa’s expression may not show much, but the cub is purring non-stop, lifting his head up high, enjoying this affection.]
His name is Yue.
Oh. Akutagawa watched as the two cats interact, quietly admiring it.]
What do you expect after seeing one’s mother absent for sometime?
[He reached a hand out, petting the cub under the his chin, delivering all the scritches and affection. Akutagawa’s expression may not show much, but the cub is purring non-stop, lifting his head up high, enjoying this affection.]
His name is Yue.
[Atsushi joins in and scratches and pets the cub, fascinated by how soft the fur is.
And then he actually hears what Akutagawa just said.]
Mo-mo-mother??? Wait, what's that supposed to mean?!!
[not literally, right?? RIGHT??? He doesn't know enough about this world yet to not rule out something like that! but this would come with tons of other implications, and he doesn't want to open this particular can of worms just now.
But also, even if not, why was he the "mother"?
In any way, he stares at Akutagawa, waiting for an answer, but not sure if he really wants to hear it.]
And then he actually hears what Akutagawa just said.]
Mo-mo-mother??? Wait, what's that supposed to mean?!!
[not literally, right?? RIGHT??? He doesn't know enough about this world yet to not rule out something like that! but this would come with tons of other implications, and he doesn't want to open this particular can of worms just now.
But also, even if not, why was he the "mother"?
In any way, he stares at Akutagawa, waiting for an answer, but not sure if he really wants to hear it.]
[While Atsushi is having.. a moment, Akutagawa continues scratching the cub. Then his ears perked up, looking curiously at the younger boy.
Akutagawa heard the boy’s confused outburst, remained quiet until it passed. Then, some thoughts turned in the young man’s head.
Oh.
His thought clicked. Though there were no evidence of amusement on his face, Akutagawa couldn’t allow this moment to pass. (What would Dazai do?)
A hand rests over his nose and mouth as his eyes averted from the boy.]
What else? You’re the mother.
[Spoiler, it’s half true, but not exactly what Atsushi thought. If there was any hint of amusement on this mafioso’s face, it was there.]
Akutagawa heard the boy’s confused outburst, remained quiet until it passed. Then, some thoughts turned in the young man’s head.
Oh.
His thought clicked. Though there were no evidence of amusement on his face, Akutagawa couldn’t allow this moment to pass. (What would Dazai do?)
A hand rests over his nose and mouth as his eyes averted from the boy.]
What else? You’re the mother.
[Spoiler, it’s half true, but not exactly what Atsushi thought. If there was any hint of amusement on this mafioso’s face, it was there.]
[ Akutagawa doesn't exactly seem excited about it, huh.
For a moment Inigo wonders whether the other's slight giving in here means that Akutagawa may want to try hugging and see if it helps after all, or if he's just trying to do Inigo a favor. If it's the latter, Inigo kind of just wants to tell him that it's not like he has to do that, especially at a moment like this..
On the other hand, speaking up now might just make Akutagawa drag himself further back into his shell, so Inigo doesn't say anything. Instead he covers the slight distance left between them until he's right in front of the other guy, and then wraps his arms around Akutagawa's back, pulling the other into a hug.
It's very soft and warm, Akutagawa. I'm sorry to tell you this, but Inigo gives great hugs. Real loving. Don't suffer too much in its hold. ]
It's okay.
[ .. this is not a quick hug.
Sorry, dude. ]
I sometimes feel really lonely too. [ He lowers his voice a little as he says it, like Inigo doesn't like admitting to it.
But maybe Akutagawa won't feel so bad if he's not the only one here being vulnerable. ]
For a moment Inigo wonders whether the other's slight giving in here means that Akutagawa may want to try hugging and see if it helps after all, or if he's just trying to do Inigo a favor. If it's the latter, Inigo kind of just wants to tell him that it's not like he has to do that, especially at a moment like this..
On the other hand, speaking up now might just make Akutagawa drag himself further back into his shell, so Inigo doesn't say anything. Instead he covers the slight distance left between them until he's right in front of the other guy, and then wraps his arms around Akutagawa's back, pulling the other into a hug.
It's very soft and warm, Akutagawa. I'm sorry to tell you this, but Inigo gives great hugs. Real loving. Don't suffer too much in its hold. ]
It's okay.
[ .. this is not a quick hug.
Sorry, dude. ]
I sometimes feel really lonely too. [ He lowers his voice a little as he says it, like Inigo doesn't like admitting to it.
But maybe Akutagawa won't feel so bad if he's not the only one here being vulnerable. ]
[Atsushi feels like an ice bucket has been dropped over him as he just stares at Akutagawa, then at the cub, then back to Akutagawa again.]
Wai-wai-wait!! Mother, mother? Because how ..?? Did we ...? I ....
Oh dear ..
[He feels dizzy, his blood pressure probably getting a little too high with all the excitement and panicking.]
Wai-wai-wait!! Mother, mother? Because how ..?? Did we ...? I ....
Oh dear ..
[He feels dizzy, his blood pressure probably getting a little too high with all the excitement and panicking.]
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